Reflection 013: The F Word in 2025
š§āāļø A Reflection on Liberating Your Soul in the New Year
Welcome 2025
With a new year comes ambitions of our ideal self.
Six pack abs and a multi six figure income. You got this, bro.
Year long Bible Reading Plans and intentions to attend church services more than twice a year may also make their way to the listā¦
Whatever and however you intend to spend the year, Godspeed to you dear friend.
As for me,
I have found this practice
front of mind in recent years,
including this 2025:
The all powerful F Wordā¦
Forgiveness.
Before I quote Jesusā mathematical hyperbole or his own hyperbolic life of forgiving the very people crucifying him on a Friday afternoon, may I speak without hyperbole or ideal:
Forgiveness is a complex, messy, long and winding road.
Forgiving Quickly is Harmful
To forgive quickly in the name of values and ethics can be harmful to your deep human need to be seen, heard, and honored. Shortcutting the difficult spiritual work of forgiveness can downplay the wounds your soul has endured, and create a false sense of the Christian life as one of endurance without healing.
Remember - Jesus was a man of sorrows. He wept and cried aloud to God in anguished prayer.
The Son of Godās act of forgiveness was a human act of courage. He was no spiritual robot programmed to behave without feeling or error.
Our attempts at forgiveness will be more like a turbulent flight. We will have romanticized notions of Jesus leading us to peaceful streams of unencumbered mercy, right beside fantasies of enacting vengeance on those who have violated our boundaries. Fortunately the Bible includes both (more on this later.)
Forgiveness is Liberation
At the same time, forgiveness may be the most liberating spiritual act we do as Christians.
Youāve heard the saying:
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison while wishing the other person would die.
To extend forgiveness is not only to engage in a Christ-like endeavor, it is to experience the freedom of becoming one with Christ in heart and deed. You no longer carry the unbearable weight of recounting the injustice done against you. And your faith becomes congruent with your soul. By the way ā I have found congruence in life and faith to be the best way for a sound nightās sleep.
Forgiveness frees you to acknowledge the inconsistencies of people, while still yet celebrating the glory of God within a broken world. It names that your spiritual path is not one of avoiding pain, but going through it with the nearness and power of Christ.
Below is my system of forgiveness without self-harm. All this month, I intend to offer reflections on the application Christian forgiveness.
But this seems now like an appropriate time for those aforementioned hyperboles:
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came up and said to him, āLord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?ā Jesus said to him, āI do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.ā
Mark 11:25
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Romans 12:17-19
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Matthew 5:46-48If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Forgiveness without Self Harm
001 Honor Your Own Pain Before God
Forgiveness is not denial. There is no glory in pretending that you have not been hurt. Forgiveness begins with acknowledging that someone has violated your boundaries. Even the Risen Christ showed his scars to those he called to follow him.
The problem for most of us is where and how do we express our pain?
For Christians, there is a place for us to curse ā prayer.
Eugene Peterson said it like this:
We need to find a way to curse, without cursing.
When you read through the Psalms you will find really violent language that the people of God have sung to God against their enemies. It is shocking. Take Psalm 137 as one such example ā Blessed shall he be who repays you for what you have done to us! Blessed shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock!
I remember reading that in a peaceful prayer room once and being like, um, what faith am I a part of again?
These imprecatory Psalms create space for two very important things in the journey of forgiveness:
It offers a release valve to the pain within you, as you express the full extent of your experience.
It releases vengeance to Someone else.
You announce: vengeance is not my responsibility.
002 Seek the Embrace of God
On a few occasions in my life, I have unloaded my baggage onto a therapist or my spouse or a dear friend.
When my anger is met with compassionate non-judgmental eyes, there is a gentle balm that is applied to my soul as I remember these rudimentary truths:
God sees you.
You are loved.
When forgiveness is approached as an ethical ideal, it becomes another performative perfectionist attempt at self-righteousness.
Forgiveness that is filled with Christ, must begin with an experience of Christās love.
So be sure to take pause to be still and know the unmerited love of Christ.
It will heal and empower you.
003 Acknowledge the Systems that Formed the Ones Who Harmed You
This was life changing for me.
We are all products of our environment and subcultures. Those who have wronged us *deep breath* are operating from a set of logics and anxieties embedded in the world they encompass.
For example. Here is a phrase that has helped my journey towards forgiving spiritual authorities in my life:
That pastor was (and is) the victim of a system and theology that does not allow for failure.
When we experience pain from spiritual leaders, it is very common that they are operating from a fear of failure. Why do they have such fear? What conditions are they unknowingly operating within that create such insecure frameworks that play out in dishonoring the humanity of others?
To be clear, acknowledging systems is not the same as justifying behaviors.
But it helps in this one way:
It depersonalizes the action.
And that ā at least for me ā allows for a kind of compassion.
004 Speak Forgiveness and Blessing Aloud
From this space of centering myself in Christā love, and prayerfully analyzing the systems and cultures (or powers and principalities if you prefer Pauline spiritual warfare language)ā¦ I begin to speak aloud forgiveness and blessing in the place of prayer.
Father, I forgive ____ for ____.
Father, I bless ____.
Father, I release my anger.
There is power in aligning your thought, spirit, will, and word.
We speak things into existence, including the well being of our soul when we speak aloud blessing and forgiveness towards those whom we may call our Enemies.
005 Create Healthy Boundaries
Finally. I create healthier boundaries in places that were violated.
To forgive and love someone does not mean you are eager to be drinking buddies who talk about professional athletic clubs and their monetary endeavors.
It usually means you are understanding how to better guard your heart.
Whether that means reducing your time or number of accounts of social media, or it means being highly intentional about which houses of worship you participate in, or investing time for the purpose of deepening new friendships, or finding a therapist, or guarding your timeā¦ the question to ask is one of self-responsibility:
How can I create a way of life that protects my boundaries?
I like the Apostle Paulās words here:
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.
006 Seek Out a Life of Joy
Methodists ask this well-meaning yet increasingly ambivalent question:
How is it with your soul?
Try this out. 90% of the time people will talk about their job or their need to read the Bible more. I have found a different question to be helpful in my own reflection:
Where am I finding joy?
Where will I find joy, today?
Two things can exist at once. Pain and joy.
If not, Scripture would not call us to rejoice always.
Your life is full of wonder and gift. When we are dealing with unforgiveness, our eyes towards joy become blinded.
May the eyes of your joy be opened.
Blessing
Dear Friend
Hereās to 2025 being a year where your soul is liberated from the bondage of unforgiveness.
May the Spirit of our LORD and Friend Jesus the Christ empower you with the courage to undergo the long and slow and turbulent journey of Christ-like forgiveness.
May this year be a year of joy.
In the Name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit
May it Be So
Great post, Mike!
Wonderful way to start the new year!
Thoughtful, thorough, tenacious, trying but always hopeful. Blessings, Vickie