Worship & Theology: Discipleship and the Stages of Spiritual Maturity
Immature Asian-American Spirituality, Instagram Bios, and the Lifelong Journey Towards Theosis
Lyrics
I want to live a disciple’s life
I want to die a disciple’s death
This life I pour out I spend on you
Knowing in the next life
I will enter into rest
Do what you will in me
I want to be your disciple…
Lord I’ll spend my life on you…
You are worthy
Alleluia
The Worst Song to Mumble Along To
If there ever was a worship song that was impossible to mumble along to while strolling in late on a Sunday morning, casually sipping a cup of mediocre church coffee while securing the lineup for your fantasy football team… it’s this song right here.
Most modern worship songs written by songwriters in an affluent military superpower country don’t begin with an aspiring confession to die a martyr’s death!
An Immature Asian-American Imagination of Radical Christianity
I freaking loved this song as a teenager. That is was written by an obscure Asian American Charismatic Christian made it all the more appealing to my adolescent self.1
I was ready to give my life to something. As an immigrant child looking to find my place in the world, there was something powerful about using the top of my vocal range to announce I was offering no hedges. Just giving my entire life to following Jesus.
Except, at the time, my imagination of a radical Christian disciple revolved around a high level of activity and accomplishment. Attending prayer meetings. Going overseas. Reading through the Bible. Leading ministries.
It was a transference of the Asian American burden and ideal to work hard and be highly successful in the world… just in the religious world. This was my expression of taking multiple AP courses and studying for the SAT exam while practicing violin and attending Korean school.
Stages of Maturity for Your Instagram Bio’s Confession of Discipleship
When we make self-identifying claims about the Christian faith, such as:
“I am a Christian.”
”I am a follower of Jesus.”
“I want to live a disciple’s life.”
Or some creative version of this on your Instagram bio…
the implication of those words is determined by our stage of spiritual maturity.
Below is the working framework I operate from.
1️⃣ STAGE 001 Tribal
Following Jesus is a means of enmeshment with a particular person or tribe.
Confession: I want to live a disciple’s life.
Translation: I want my parents to love and be proud of me.
Here, we follow Jesus because it’s what our parents, culture, friend group, or country wants for us.
The deep human need to feel safe and loved, and to belong is the dominant underlying motivation. By the way, this is good and appropriate! But only the beginning of a journey in spiritual maturity!
2️⃣ STAGE 002 Personal
Following Jesus is a means of adolescent identity formation.
Confession: I want to live a disciple’s life.
Translation: The way I follow Jesus is better than yours.
Here, we have what psychologists call differentiation. This is when an evangelical becomes a progressive or vice versa. This is when an emotive charismatic becomes a scholar or vice versa. The point is not which part of the spectrum you land or move towards, but that your faith becomes your own. Instead of being handed a tribe, you now choose your own.
The deep human need to feel a sense of identity is the underlying motivation.
💥 DISRUPTION AND DISORIENTATION
In order to move from the immature half of spiritual growth (tribal and personal) into the mature half (childlike and christlike), almost always, there needs to be disorientation.
This is not a stage but a paradigm shifting moment, where one undergoes some seismic event that disorients their prior sense of security and safety in their given or chosen tribe.
This moment can lead to despair and a vicious cycle of immaturity, where your entire life is based on you being right and having all the answers, or it can lead you to the third and fourth stages of maturity…
3️⃣ STAGE 003 Childlike
Following Jesus is a surrender of judgment and an embrace of wonder.
Confession: I want to live a disciple’s life.
Translation: I do not sit in the seat of judgment and authority.
Here, the Christian finally arrives at this realization - I don’t have to pass judgment on everyone and everything. I do not possess that authority. I am projecting my pain onto others.
Which leads to a childlike pondering: God, what are you up to in my world? What are you doing in the life of the person in front of me?
At it’s most mature form, childlike curiosity (in lieu of passing judgment) sounds like this: God, this person has wronged me. Why do I feel so much pain from their actions? What pain from their life may have motivated their behavior? How might I move towards healing?
4️⃣ STAGE 004 Christlike
Following Jesus is a quiet union, trust, and joyful obedience to the Spirit of God.
Confession: I want to live a disciple’s life.
Translation: I want to live in unending union with God.
In this stage, walking in the way of Christ is not so much about deliberation or intention but a natural state of being. You are so seasoned in the practice of contemplative prayer, everything you do is now an act of prayer. Your life of devotion and service of others is actually just you being yourself.
Wesleyan scholars call this Theosis or participation in the life of God.
Here, the words “I want to live a disciple’s life” does not bring about fervor and pride, but a restful smile.
Singing this Song at 37
The Apostle Paul writes to the Christians in Rome:
Never be lacking in zeal.
—Paul (formerly Saul)
It’s been 20 years or so since I first sang this song.
No doubt I was sincere. But my deepest desire then was to find my place in the world. As I sing this song today, my prayer is for God’s grace to allow the disorientating moments of my life to lead me to a deeper union with God.
And I pray that the zeal never wanes.
You are worthy.
Alleluia.
Shout out to the songwriter… John Chan? I never got to meet the person who wrote this song! Your song is still ringing in my soul, and has served as the on ramp for genuine engagement with the Spirit of God. Thank you!